Naughty Q&A


Jokes that waste no time in being offensive . . . .

Q. What do you call a jar full of buzzing bees?
A. An Amish vibrator.

Q. What do you call a 400 lb. woman who likes to fuck men and women at the same
   time?
A. A bisexual built for two.

Q. What do you get when an epileptic farmer falls into the lettuce patch?
A. Seizure salad.

Q. What does the Klu Klux Klan and anabolic steroids have in common?
A. They both make black folks run like crazy.

Q. What's the difference between a clit and a cellular phone.
A. Nothing. Just about every cunt's got one.

Q. What's the worst thing about the rising unemployment rate?
A. It gets harder to fuck your girlfriend with her husband home all the time.

Q. What do K-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both have boys jeans half-off.

Q. What's brown and tastes like applesauce?
A. Baby shit.

Q. What's the worst thing a six-year-old could say to you after sex?
A. "I've had better."

Q. What has four legs and one arm?
A. A Doberman on a children's playground?

Q. What's charred and black and smells really bad?
A. A cat chewing on an extension cord.

Q. What's the worst part about giving your cat a bath?
A. Getting all that fur off your tongue.

Q. Why do drunks throw up in the gutter?
A. To serve the homeless breakfast in bed.

Q. What would it take for a man to respect a woman's mind?
A. Have it bounce gently as she walks down the street.

Q. What's the difference between a Yugo and a Jehovah's Witness?
A. You can slam the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

Q. Why do Jehovah's Witnesses dislike Halloween?
A. They hate having all those strangers ring their doorbells.

Q. What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
A. Having your dentist confirm it.

Q. How can you tell if a man is dead?
A. He stays stiff for longer than two minutes.

Q. Did you hear about the new fragrance called "Umpire?"
A. It's for foul balls.

Q. How do most men define marriage?
A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

Q. How is music like your sex life?
A. Three-quarter is swing time, one-quarter is ragtime.

Q. Do you know how Germans say "Gezuenteit" when someone sneezes?
A. It means, "Aim towards Poland!"

Q. How do you make Polish sausage?
A. You use a retarded pig.

Q. How can you spot the Alitalia airplanes at the airport?
A. They're the ones with hair under their wings.

Q. Have you heard about the new mail-order home surgery kit?
A. It's called "Suture Self."

Q. What tastes great on apple pie but not on pussy?
A. Crust.

Q. What did the bishop do to the priest who admitted his homosexuality?
A. He defrocked him immediately.

Q. What do gay men refer to foreskin as?
A. Mud flaps.

Q. How do you know whether your son will grow up to be gay?
A. He likes to play "Lick the Can."

Q. Why is marriage like the Army?
A. Everyone complains about it, but a surprising number re-enlist.

Q. Why do women have two sets of lips?
A. So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q. Why were lesbians invented?
A. So radical feminists wouldn't breed.

Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Firestone tire?
A. The tire will eventually go down on you.

Q. Why don't black people have checking accounts?
A. It's too difficult to endorse a check with a can of spray paint.

Q. What's a redneck Fortune Cookie?
A. A piece of cornbread with a food stamp baked inside.

Q. What does it mean when you find a grain of rice inside a bucket?
A. Some poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.

Q. What do you call Ethiopian bunk beds?
A. Venetian blinds.

Q. Why don't Muslim women need clothes dryers?
A. Because they wear their laundry while walking.

Q. How do you turn a washing machine into a snow plow?
A. Give the bitch a shovel.

Q. What's the first thing a woman released from a battered women's shelter 
   should do?
A. The dishes, if she's smart.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A. A cock that stays up all night.

Q. Why is sex with your wife like eating at McDonald's?
A. It's always the same thing and afterwards, you swear you'll never do it 
    again.

Q. What's the logo for the new British tampon?
A "We may not be Number One, but we're still up there!"

Q. Why is British beer served cold?
A. To distinguish it from piss?

Q. What do you call female Viagra?
A. Jewelry

Q. What's a "68?"
A. You do me and I'll owe you one.

Q. Why do men like women in leather?
A. Because they smell like new cars.

Q. How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
A. Douche with beer.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A. Hold onto your nuts, this is going to be one hell of a blow job.

Q. Why do old white men love playing golf so much?
A. It gives them a chance to dress up like black pimps.

Q. How can you tell if you're on a Jewish golf course?
A. Instead of yelling, "FORE!" they yell, "$3.99!"

Q. What is the most common disease transmitted by Jewish Mothers?
A. Guilt

Q. What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers smoke?
A. Gefiltered.

Q. What did the blonde say while watching the porn movie?
A. "There I am!"

Q. Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
A. She was strapped for cash.

Q. Did you hear about the masochistic homosexual?
A. He was sucker for punishment.

Q. What's the most common crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.

Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa.

Q. What's the difference between a midget and a fucking freak.
A. Political correctness.

Q. What's the difference between a woman's pussy and a warm toilet seat.
A. They both feel great, but you always wonder who's been there before you.

Q. Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
A. She wanted to see what she looked like when she was sleeping.

Q. What's the best part about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once.

Q. How do you know when you're getting old?
A. Your dreams are dry and your farts are wet.

Q. Do you know where you can find sympathy?
A. In the dictionary, somewhere between "shit" and "syphilis."

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.

Q. How do deaf people have phone sex?
A. By fax.

Q. Why do pedophiles love Halloween so much?
A. Free delivery.


[Thanks to rubin]