Resume 2002


OBJECTIVE:
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, 
occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION:
School: Very Expensive
Major:  Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

EMPLOYMENT:

NETWORK MANAGEMENT    (9/96-Present)
Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties 
included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying 
tuned after those "important" messages.

DEBT CONSOLIDATION    (4/97-12/99)
Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I 
managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill 
that goes straight to my father.

COMPUTER SKILLS:
*Solitaire
*Minesweeper
*On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS:
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament
*Said Toast at brother's wedding
*High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses,
please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law
school applicant.