Corporate Vocabulary

  
A PROGRAM 
Any assignment that can't be completed by one phone call.
  
EXPEDITE 
To compound confusion with commotion.
  
CHANNELS 
The trails left by inter-office memos.
  
COORDINATORS 
The guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
  
TO ACTIVATE 
To make more carbons and add more names to the mailing list.
  
TO IMPLEMENT A PROGRAM 
Hire more people and expand the office.
  
DOWNSIZE 
To fire those who do most of the work, while saving the jobs of those who 
can only come up with ideas such as "downsizing."
  
UNDER CONSIDERATION 
We don't care...it's almost lunch time.
  
RE-ORIENTATION 
Getting used to work again.
  
RELIABLE SOURCE 
The guy you just met.
  
INFORMED SOURCE 
The guy who told the guy you just met.
  
UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE 
The guy that started the rumor in the first place.
  
WE ARE MAKING A SURVEY 
We need more time to think up an answer.
  
TO NOTE AND INITIAL 
To spread the responsibility for this.
  
LETS DISCUSS THE MATTER 
Come to my office, I'm lonely.
  
LET'S GET TOGETHER ON THE MATTER 
I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
  
WE WILL ADVISE YOU IN DUE COURSE 
If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
  
IT IS IN PROGRESS 
So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
  
GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING 
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't conflict with what 
we have decided to do.
  
A CONFERENCE 
Something that beats doing real work.
  
WE WILL LOOK INTO IT 
By the time the wheel makes a full turn, We will assume you will forget 
about it also.
  
A CLARIFICATION 
We're change the rules on you in mid-stream.
  
A MEETING 
A mass mulling by master-minds where minutes are kept and hours are lost.
  
TO NEGOTIATE 
To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads.
  
CONSULTANT 
Some who is paid massive amounts of money to tell us what our own 
people have been telling us for years.




Thanks to Daryl Hillen